Do You Feel JOY?

I recently participated in a five-week discussion about becoming authentic, loving ourselves and feeling JOY. It seemed more women were willing to discuss what was wrong with them than speak about joy. Does that mean we don’t allow ourselves to feel joy, we don’t know what it is or we just don’t want to discuss it?

About fifteen years ago when I was in therapy, my therapist asked me when I last felt joy. I think I said “when my daughters were born” That was true enough but actually pretty sad since my daughters were teens by then.  Don’t get me wrong. I felt good about a lot of things. But JOY? Did I have joy on too high a pedestal? Like ecstasy or some profound emotion only experienced if you witnessed the face of God?
Since then I have worked on many issues in my life: depression, disability, patience, finding serenity, forgiveness, peace, stillness, loving myself and have finally realized in the last few months, I have been experiencing JOY!

It has come in short small bursts like little bubbles and at times loud explosions similar to fireworks. Both are equally wonderful and fulfilling. Joy has also been experienced along with serenity, contentment, passion, fun and stillness.

I think the difference between now and fifteen years ago is: I am experiencing JOY in my soul rather than my head. I was trying too hard, dissecting it, defining it, wanting to be JOY perfect. Since then and after all the hard work I have done, I am into letting it go (whatever IT is), loving myself and others, forgiving myself and others and just BEING.
Therefore, I have been more open and free to feel JOY.

All kinds of JOY.

Joy in the scent of a cinnamon candle or a Heritage rose blossom.

Joy  delighting in the play of my golden retrievers or a hug of support from a dear friend.

Joy in setting my eyes on the majesty of Long’s Peak or my grandson in his Halloween costume.

Joy in a friend’s words of affinity or a poem by Mary Oliver.

I could make a list that went on for pages and pages. Which to me is a miracle!!!

Joy I have found is wherever and whatever we choose to call it.
May you find JOY.

100 Things I Am Grateful For

(I make a Gratitude List every day but the 100 list idea I got from Katherine Center)


1) Time
2) Mashed potatoes
3) Leather recliners
4) Golden Retrievers (of course this should be NO. 1)
5) Great pens
6) Blue skies, especially in autumn
7) Monarchs
8) The Eagles (both the band and the bird)
9) Living My Own Truth
10) Soft socks
11) David Austin Roses
12) Soft fleece blankets
13) Estes Park Colorado
14) Wonderful women bloggers
15) Clean Nebraska air
16) Valentino’s black olive and mushroom pizza
17) COFFEEE
18) My gorgeous loving daughters
19) Caramel berber carpet (goes great with golden retrievers!)
20) Four Seasons (the actual seasons , not the hotel)
21) Jacuzzi’s
22) Rocking chairs
23) Big yummy sea scallops
24) My wonderful grandchildren
25) Puffs Plus!
26) DVR
27) Breathing (I know this seems like a given but I have asthma)
28) Asthma meds
29) Breastfeeding
30) James Taylor
31) Trees
32) Dead trees
33) Pottery
34) Books
35) Dragonflies
36) My Mom’s potato salad
37) Swimming
38) Long’s Peak
39) Dill pickles
40) Air conditioning
41) Tastefully Simple’s Creamy Wild Rice Soup
42) Counseling
43) Honest loving friends
44) White sand
45) Morning smooches from my hubby
46) Freedom
47) Daisies
48) Movies (I could list all my favorite movies but that would take up all 100)
49) Velour yoga pants
50) Low humidity
51) Pooper scoopers
52) Highlights (for hair)
53) Coffee houses
54) Mary Oliver
55) Collage
56) Mushrooms (edible)
57) Wolves
58) Four wheel drive
59) Energy
60) Lavender
61) Porch swings
62) Slow dancing
63) My husband’s job/paycheck
64) Born (the shoes)
65) Asparagus
66) My favorite novelists (this too would be a VERY long list)
67) Time to read. : )
68) Sunsets
69) The Serenity Prayer
70) Selka and Gunner (my goldens) and my past goldens Shammy, Sophie and Max
71) Being human
72) Bracelets
73) A Charlie Brown Christmas
74) That I loved being a counselor for thirty years
75) Babies
76) Democracy
77) That I can walk
78) My hair (what little I have left)
79) My soft comfortable bed
80) Massage
81) College football
82) Oatmeal
83) Nail polish
84) Laptops
85) All my neighborhood birds (cardinals, finches, robins, chickadees)
86) Good shower water pressure
87) Martha Beck
88) Laughter
89) A good bra
90) Yoga (and Rodney Yee)
91) Singing in the car
92) Candles
93) Nachos
94) The Dunraven Inn ( a great restaurant in Estes Park)
95) Fuchsia
96) Dangly earrings
97) Chenille
98) Bob Seger
99) AA
100) Being with and loving my husband for thirty years.

Well, I could go on and on but I’m sure you are bored by now.
Make your own list and keep adding. : )

No Topic Thursday

I have been sick with the crappy flu for a week and a half. So I don’t really have any great insights and I haven’t done much besides cough, sniff, blow my nose, gasp for breath, cough some more, snuggle under a blanket with the dogs, watch movies and sleep when I’m not coughing. I have drank herb tea, sipped wonderful soup, taken Mucinex, Echinacea, zinc and Vicksed myself all over.

I have read some when my head wasn’t aching. I am reading Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet, Marian Woodman, Patty Digh’s Life is A Verb and some great articles in the new O magazine. I’ve also been involved in a great discussion based on Brene’ Brown’s new book on perfectionism, being authentic and feeling worthy of love.

I find it so sad that our society does not value girls and no wonder girls don’t value themselves. We as WOMEN need to work to change that. If girls start to love and value themselves, there would be no more eating disorders, addiction to sex, shopping, hoarding, alcohol/ drugs and all the social addictions. We wouldn’t have that big hole inside ourselves we are always trying to fill with something else. I bet there wouldn’t be any more domestic violence either because women wouldn’t look twice at the charming man who is throwing up red flags all over the place!
We’d be strong, fulfilled and have many ways to have our needs met, not from one man.
Today all I can do is nurture myself. Tell myself I am enough. I am lovable, artistic, loving, warm, intelligent and wonderful!!! And then believe it!
You can love yourself too. And spread the word!

The GREAT Dream

What is your GREAT Dream?

Do you have a GREAT dream? Something you have always wanted to do, or be or make?
The dream you have always been afraid to say aloud. The dream you didn’t even realize WAS a dream maybe. Just a foggy feeling in your heart or gut.

Maybe it’s something you wanted to do or be as a child and let it go, like a helium balloon we somehow let escape from our fingers, that floated up, up to the clouds and out of sight.

Or maybe you are older now and have felt a tugging, an urge to do something. But you are afraid.  Afraid of failure. Or maybe even success.
Because if you did succeed, THEN what would you do? You’d have to follow through, right? Or not.

Or maybe you are afraid people will think you are stupid, or your idea is dumb, or whatever it is will be ugly. That no one will want it. Or that there really is no way for you to succeed or for the dream to come true. So you bury it and don’t speak of it. Or even acknowledge the dream exists.

I have had many dreams. Some have come true. (To marry and be a mother) Some I chose not to follow. Like becoming a veterinarian and running a homeless dog ranch. (That was my dream as a twelve -year old)

At nineteen, I wanted to become a counselor, so I worked, searched out resources, went to college and became a counselor. For thirty years. But it really wasn’t my GREAT dream.

I also always loved to write poetry. I have since studied, written and had my poetry published. When anyone would push me to submit more, I balked. I thought I had writer’s block. I realize now, it wasn’t my great dream.

Then when my friend wrote a book and had it published, I thought ”That has been my dream!” To write a book. So I have been writing off and on (more off) and now I am wondering if it isn’t my Great dream after all.

I have been ill and have been forced to take it easy, silence and solitude can work wonders. I had felt like I was wasting time, wasting my GREAT dream. Time was passing and I was idle. I wasn’t finding and actually doing my passion! Illness forced me to BE STILL
So I am being gentle with myself. Not pushing as hard. Just being. Doing things I love. Like writing some. Making collage. Playing with my golden retrievers. Having coffee and talking with friends. About who we are and what we want. And discussing our GREAT dream . I am thinking my GREAT DREAM is now. To become the person I have always wanted to be. Serene. Humble. Loving. Kind.  Doing the things I love. Being, really BEING with those I love. THAT is IT.

Insights

It has been a week of much growth and many insights for me.
There are times I hold little minute pity parties because I have chronic illnesses and cannot do many of the activities I used to be able to enjoy. Like walking very far, hiking, dancing, gardening, working at my career of being a counselor and obedience training with my dogs.
Sometimes I have felt I am in limbo, waiting to be healthy again and return to my life.

But this week looking back, I realized I am living a full spirit led life!
Saturday night, my writing group did a poetry reading, that was so fun!

Sunday was my grandson’s first birthday party which also was a blast and so great to spend time with my loving family.

Monday and Tuesday I spent time with new and old friends whom I always learn from and gain so much support. We share new ideas and insight, which results in growth!

I belong to Golden Retriever Rescue and on Wed. I did an assessment of an eleven year old golden who is being surrendered by his lifetime owners. Tomorrow I will pick up this sweet pup, take him to the vet for a check up and treatment and then on to a foster home till he finds his new loving forever home.

This week was a week of sadness also as several deaths occurred in the lives of dear friends. My childhood best friend’s mother passed away and a friend of my dear friends who is close to my age died from a heart attack. I also found out that a former client of mine had died months ago and I never knew.
Besides being very sad, it was such a reminder to cherish each moment we have here, love and appreciate the people in your life and always be grateful for the gifts in your life!
Tonight is our favorite college team’s BIG GAME so we’ll eat chili and cheer on the Huskers!
Tomorrow I get to deliver that eleven year old golden retriever to his new life and Saturday I am attending a wonderful women’s workshop called The Feminine Soul!

Saturday is also my oldest daughter’s thirty- fifth birthday!!!!  I will enjoy so many memories of bringing this gorgeous child/now woman and mother into the world. We will celebrate together sometime soon, as she will be spending her birthday cheering on her favorite hockey team!

As I look at this one week in my life, I see all the joy, insight, sharing and love I have experienced in just seven days!!!!  Life is so good, regardless of whether I can run or not!!!

I hope you see all the learning moments in your week!!!!

The Nurturer

Walk through the wide archway, tangled with blushing roses,
Step past the salvia and thyme which lace the stepping stones.
Lay down your mother in law
and her cancerous breast on the pine table.

Let go of your daughter
who seldom calls or writes and
the fact that you thought you had taught her better than that,
let alone the hurt that aches at her name.


Lay down in the hammock between two willows
or the mountain top or
even the salty white sand by the sea.

Across your eyes and forehead, place the moist lavender pillow.
Breathe in the cool dry air of the ponderosa pine or the warm ocean breezes.

Taste the pineapple juice on your tongue,
allow the lime of icy crystals to bite and melt in your mouth.
Absorb the soft sensation of sweet and sour soup and soothe the sensitive stomach.

The wind and bird song play gentle in your ears
as the masseuse lays hands on your oiled body
and your dogs soft fur moves beneath your fingers.

As they massage your temples and the weight of worries flies on the back of a falcon to an old dead tree,
allow the nurturer to free you
and comfort every aching and grieving cell your body yearns to set on it’s way.

You are just as you need to be.
Breathe in and out.
Let go that great sigh
you have held in for so long.

Let the eagle carry you safely over the mountain.
Lie in the warm gulf waters
as the waves lap around you and the
stars blink to show you the way.

You are enough.

Nuture Yourself

Nurture Yourself
As a substance abuse counselor for twenty - eight years I worked with hundreds of women who needed to nurture themselves.
Needed to appreciate who they were. A beautiful person with so many unique qualities!
These women had spent years hating themselves and filling that hate hole with alcohol/drugs and many other self hating behaviors.

When they came to treatment, besides stopping the use of alcohol or drugs , they needed to learn to do something else. Something positive to take care of themselves and live a richer full life!
As a counselor, I have used this exercise to teach my clients to nurture themselves after I first developed and used it for myself.

Think of your five senses.
Taste,
Smell,
Touch,
Hearing and
Sight.


Then think of different things that nurture you in each of these areas.
List them. Here is my current list

Lavender, Salvia, Catmint and Russian Sage in my garden

The smell of roasting coffee beans.

Sitting in Rocky Mountain National Park in autumn watching the elk rut, hearing them bugle.

Th Eagles singing “Desperado” or anything for that matter.

The clean dry pine air, the beautiful gold of the aspens.

Snuggling with my golden retrievers.

The smell of Noxema

Having a slumber party with my three daughters, watching our favorite movie “When Harry Met Sally”

The smell and sight of lilacs from my deck

Rocking out to Night Moves by Bob Seger while driving

A Mocha Grande with one of my girlfriends

Heavenly Blue Morning Glories

Floating in the warm gulf waters

Reading “The Velveteen Rabbit”

Lying on a blanket at the foot of Long’s Peak

Driving down I 80 in my Jeep in Spring, seeing Bald Eagles perched on dead trees by the Platte and cranes in the fields

Taking my golden retrievers to Wilderness Park and Estes Park Dog Park

Sight and smell of my own David Austin Roses in a vase or in the garden

Watching tapes of Michael Jordan at his peak, as well as Joe Montana.

Watching college football in the fall.

Chocolate mint pie at Tico’s.

Reading “The Night Before Christmas”

Dinner with my husband at Misty’s, one of our favorite restaurants eating their shrimp bisque, fried shrimp and baked potato

My comfy leather couch and a good novel by a favorite author

Sitting by the fire in the Estes cabin.

Reading to my grandsons or cuddling a grandbaby

Listening to Michael Buble sing “Home”

Reading “Goodnight Moon” by Margaret Wise Brown

Clean 1000TC sheets in my own bed.

Now make your own list. Put it where you will see it every day. Read it. You will feel better.